Reflections
by SiriusHorcrux1018
Summary: Elliot Stabler lays awake at night and reflects on his life.


This is my first try at a Law and Order: SVU fan fic, and I'm not to sure on it. I came up with the idea during class today (buses were cancelled, so nobody showed up. Should've been a snow day D: But what can you do?) while listening to my MP3 player. Well, please review and let me know what you think. Thanks!

I don't own any guys from the Law and Order series at all, or any of the spin-offs. Though, I'm sure if my friend Katie owned the series, she would happily snag Vincent D'Onofrio (Did I spell his last name right?) and Chris Noth for herself and then let the fans take who they want.

**REFLECTION:**

**This Was His Life**

Green eyes wept over the white ceiling of the blue bedroom he lay in, his wife of so many years, so many memorable years, curled up beside him, sleeping peacefully. Her short blonde hair was mussed a little a few bangs falling into her closed eyes. Her soft pink lips were slightly parted. The sound of her soft breathing was comforting to Elliot Stabler, who reached over and gently removed the strands of hair, allowing his fingers to softly graze over her pale skin. He tucked the hair gently behind her ear and then dropped his hand to the pale blue bed sheets.

This was the third night he laid in bed awake, finding himself unable to sleep. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind.

This was his life. Laying in bed, his wife curled up next to him, his four children all sleeping peacefully in their beds, hopeful dreams filling their heads. During the day, he worked with Olivia Benson, a partner and a trusted friend. They solved sex crimes involving children as young as his twin children, and therefore, he found himself unable to walk away. His job took time away from his family, time that he wanted to spend with them, but couldn't.

But, with what he had seen at work, if he walked away from the children and teenagers who were victimized, he felt like he was walking away from his own kids. Ultimately, he was. He was never home and never got home until eight or nine o'clock at night, just before his two youngest went to bed.

He would come home from dealing with perps and criminals and would step into the haven that was home. He would travel from hell to heaven every day. He would peel off his coat, drop his briefcase to the floor and go kiss his wife, telling her he loved her, and she would smile and kiss him back, hugging him tightly to her. She would tell him the same thing. His kids would happily run to him and hug him and he would sit down and read them a story and then send off to bed. Then he would go see his two oldest children, talk with them about anything that was on their mind. And then after they went to bed, he would carry Kathy upstairs, lay her down on the bed and make sweet, passionate love to her.

That was his life.

Working with the Special Victims Unit had been no picnic. He had joined up years ago because his wife was pregnant and they had needed the money. The job paid well enough so they were able to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. They were well off, so money was no issue.

But, after so many years, how could he just walk away?

Elliot Stabler swept his green gaze to his wife.

"How do I get through a night without you?" he asked her quietly, expecting no answer. He watched her sleep, a smile playing across his lips. He took great comfort in the peaceful silence in the room, only the sounds of the night playing their music quietly, the music wafting through the open window.

"I don't know what I would do. I'd be lost if I lost you." He continued, his voice soft, yet heavy with emotion.

His gaze became foggy and he realized that tears were building in his eyes, which he closed tightly. He would not cry, he would not cry…

He couldn't stop the thoughts though. If, by chance, something did happen and he lost her and his children, his family, the man didn't know what he'd do. Opening his eyes, he could feel his cheeks wet with tears.

He was crying, he was crying for everything. For the pain he caused his family, the love he had for all of them, the commitment to his job. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks as he hugged his sleeping wife closer to him. His sobs continued on quietly through the night, but he could do nothing to stop them.

Because this was his life.

**Please review!**


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